CrankyRants.com

An industry group of wireless networking companies said Tuesday it will start certifying next-generation routers and network cards in 2007, a year before official standards are expected.

Frank Hanzlik, managing director of the Wi-Fi Alliance, said that without a certification program, the market could have been fragmented by the growing number and variety of pre-standard “Draft N” or “Pre-N” products claiming faster speeds and greater range. The products take their names from the 802.11n standard.

So let me get this straight. The Wi-Fi Alliance will start certifying networking equipment as 802.11n compliant… BEFORE the standards are expected to be completed. What the hell are they gonna verify! “According to our extensive testing procedures, we at the Wi-Fi Alliance duly certify that this Linksys Router in fact does contain the 802.11n sticker on the front. So it’s… um… compliant.” How about we simply bring the State Department down on companies that are making false claims instead of creating potentially bogus certifications.

Nice job, Wi-Fi Alliance. Way to stick a band-aid on the leaky ceiling.

In a posting to the Mozilla development planning discussion group, the head of Microsoft’s open source software lab has extended an offer to Mozilla Corp. to help ensure the Firefox browser and Thunderbird e-mail client will run under Windows Vista.

Representatives from Mozilla noted quietly to each other, “… Why is Bill Gates holding the door for us and smiling like that. It’s really creeping me out!”

I can appreciate that Bill’s Army would like to test as much popular software as possible on the new Windows Vista Operating system, but this has more stink on it than a burned tuna casserole. “Come on in, guys! Just put your jackets and software anywhere, it’s all safe here. No one’s going to go through anything or anything!”

Firefox currently munches on about 15% share of the browser market, and I see no reason why Micrsoft would want to help them unless they had another motive. Especially considering how popular the Mozilla products are among those who have the skill to pry Microsoft IE from their system. After all, IE is an “integral part of the operating system and can’t be separated”. Microsoft lawyers are funny, funny people.

First declared a planet in 1930, Pluto has now been officially downgraded to a Galactic Dirt Clod by the International Astronomical Union this week. The new rules to qualify an orbiting ice chunk as a planet include a clause that states the body must “clear the neighborhood around its orbit”.

Doesn’t make any sense to me either. But apparently it’s got something to do with the orbit being circular and not oblong, or that Pluto’s orbit passes through Neptune’s, or that Pluto has cooties or something like that. Modern astronomers are apparently so caught up in their lack of anything new to report that they now have to create their own news. First it was the discovery of a few new chunks of ice along the outer rim. Now the argument that these new “Dwarf Planets” are no better than Pluto, so why should Pluto get treated any differently just because it’s been a part of our squeaky classroom solar system models for nearly 80 years. 

So it’s clear the egg-heads at the IAU have sent a specific message to school children everywhere. ”Stick it up Uranus and forget about cute little Pluto. We’re scientists, dammit! And we determine what’s right. So repeat after me: My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us NOTHING!”

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Apple Computer Inc. will pay $100 million to rival Creative Technology Ltd. to settle five patent lawsuits over technology for navigating through songs on the popular iPod digital music player, the companies said Wednesday.

Here’s what Creative has done. They have patented the process of navigating through categories of songs. That’s it. And Apple admitted that they have “infringed” on those patents, then promptly counter-sued Creative for infringement of their own patents.

I understand that patent-law is very lucrative for companies, and that most patent offices are sorely understaffed. But come on. Who decided to grant a company the exclusive rights to “click an album to see the songs”.

The whole thing brings back post-traumatic stress over the whole “I’ve patented the speed with which the screen can scroll while dragging my mouse.” Guy did it. Microsoft wouldn’t cave in. And that, my friends, is why it moves too fast or too slow. Thank you, corporate lawyers. You’ve done it again.

Checkout call center jobs at JobsInCallCenters.com.

The U.S. Commerce Department and the Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers (ICANN) have renewed their contract for ICANN to operate the Internet Assigned Numbers Authority (IANA) function for five more years.

This means that authority over the Web’s domain names will remain under U.S. control until 2011. Various non-U.S. countries and interests had campaigned to place the control with an international organization like the United Nations or with private corporate interests.

There are plenty of opinions about the U.S. pushing their views on the world through this authority. Look no further than the demise of the .xxx extensions… not that I would have taken part or admitted to doing so. But Cranky.xxx would have had a nice ring to it.

On the whole the decision isn’t a huge surprise. And the threats by some European Nations to simply host an alternate name server network are just plain dumb. But as the online economy continues to engulf larger chunks of the global economy, expect the issue to become more heated and much more difficult to resolve 5 years from now.

BIS provides background checks to employers globally.

Apple Computer Inc.’s investigation into claims of poor conditions at a Chinese iPod factory found no forced labor but revealed that workers were exceeding the company’s limits on hours and days to be worked per week, the company said Friday.

Congratulations, Apple. The one company I thought would never make the Evil Companies list now has it’s inaugural post. Apple investigated their own plant and found Apple was not in violation of worker’s rights. What the hell else are they going to say? “Yeah. It’s a slave camp over here. Our bad.”

There were no signs of “Forced Labor”. Instead, the employees were simply “working too many hours”. What are they, like all going for employee of the year awards? No, more likely what they actually found was originally worded something like this. “Our investigation has concluded that the employees were simply working too many hours… because they had seen other’s not work enough overtime and got kicked to the curb with a rifle butt to the neck.”

Nice spin, Apple. Where’s your happy shiny feel-good flower nation now? Almost makes me want to give up my iPod. But… um, I really like the design and it’s worked solid for 3 years straight and I would kinda miss iTunes… so. Yeah. Just don’t do it again.

The maker of the Segway scooter this week unveiled the second generation of its self-balancing electric one-person vehicle to the applause of self-important, non-athletic individuals everywhere. Popular among community police departments, shopping security, and those who feel walking is a burdensome chore, the new device offers all of the options that the lazy “idle spender” is looking for in a gadget.

“Walking’s for chumps”, announced Herbert Huckleminger of Lexington, Kentucky. “Without my Segwey, I’d just blend in with everyone else at the store instead of standing out like I deserve. Plus walking was causing me to loose unnecessary weight. I really see it as a transition vehicle to a Rascal or, hopefully someday, a wheelchair. Even standing on one of these things can stretch my muscles to the point of exercise. And I simply can’t abide that!”

The new scooters have a top speed of 12.5 miles per hour, and feature the capability to carry bags, golf clubs, and those who view walking as an unnecessary task in today’s modern world. “I’d rather ride than walk,” quipped Stanley Stergonson. “That’s all there is to it. The human race evolved away from the need for muscular legs and long arms to navigate their world. This is simply the next step!”

Future enhancements to the Seqway include a medical oxygen pump and battery operated food processor to completely assist busy commuters deal with the hassles of breathing and chewing their food.

“Technology is the best,” cited Stergonson. “I totally can’t wait until the day when I’ll be sealed in a cylindrical tube 24-7 with all of those tubes and wires and stuff? That’ll be the best.”

Get the latest on diversity issues in the workplace at Diversity Jobs.

As the search engine algorithms evolve, what was once… no longer is. All of the tried-and-true methods of pounding the importance of your page to the top now lie at the bottom of the webmaster’s tackle box like a half-barfed up Red Wiggler. (”The Cadillac of Worms!”)

Now more than ever, the quest for backlinks and 3-way links is tantamount. And what better way to get them than by offering up a service that doubles as a link to your site. File hosting sites do it. So do make-your-own emoticon and MySpace Sign Generator sites like TextOnImage.com. You’ve seen them: Pick a pic. Type your text. Copy and paste the code to your site or forum post or myspace account.

So let me get it straight. I get to walk around the net pimping YOUR site with a backlink… plus I get a novelty image with “CrankyRants Rules” or something on it? And this costs me nothing?

Sign me up, brother. Mind if I put your adsense code on my sites while I’m at it?

www.textonimage.com

Running an online magazine is a perfect venue for content-rich pages. There are plenty of opportunities to hit a wide audience with focused paid advertising, which is the main goal of any publication. But just because you’re a hack designer with a decent domain doesn’t mean you’ll rake in the readers. Designing and running an eZine takes a little more work than cranking out another free-script proxy site. 

Take a look at BrainBucketMagazine.com. Motorcycles, idiot… it’s got nothing to do with flesh-ripping zombies. That’s another name for a half-helmet. Here’s an eZine that provides daily content, reviews, tech tips, and most importantly… babes. When I finally perfect my “What they clicked first” algorithm, most sites will be able to document the fact. Guys will ignore all other content and click on any form of babe or babe-related item first. Plain and simple. If the “Daily Lutheran Ministry and Oatmeal Recipe” website had a link to hot Lutheran mamas posing with bowls of oatmeal? Yeah, their traffic would probably go up.

Motorcycles are a little easier, though. And this site is a good example of how to organize your information. Quick access to the articles. Plenty of fresh content to keep the spiders interested. They’ve even got a link to an accompanying mySpace account to hit up traffic on multiple fronts. Keep it simple and do it like this, and you’ll watch your subscriptions rise. And if you know your audience is looking for it, throw in babes. Everyone. Clicks. On. Babes. It’s an historical fact. That and oatmeal recipes.

When working IT or development for a company, it’s common knowledge that all bad ideas, outlandish promises, and general bull slush come from the marketing department. Combine that with the Heathen Church of Telemarketing, and the entire lot can be cast into the same fiery statement. Marketing is evil. And now it’s been documented.

The Center for Democracy and Technology, a nonprofit group that has conducted research on pop-up ad programs and the technology supporting them, said Wednesday that 55 percent of the ads, particularly those coming from smaller companies, used no intermediaries at all. No one else to blame but themselves. In the past, a majority of marketing companies have hidden behind the claim… “We didn’t know they were using pop-ups? We thought they were just giving away information about our products while handing out warm fluffy blankets to orphans!”

Not anymore. Researchers studied the patterns by loading two computers with adware and installing a packet logger to track the Web addresses accessed. Guess where they pointed. No surprise I guess, since most infected laptops come from the sales and marketing staff anyway. They wade through pop-up-sewage daily. So the next time your own computer becomes infested with adware or pop-ups… slap someone from sales. They probably had something to do with it one way or another.