Civil defense propaganda really isn’t what it used to be. Back in World War Two they had great stuff like “loose lips sink ships” and “careless talk costs lives.” Unfortunately, they’re still working out the kinks in our current posters and pamphlets.

Take, for example, the pamphlet about protecting our local airport that LMV brought me today. I’m all for airport security, but this thing was clearly written by semi-literate chimpanzees. Either that or it was written in Japanese and run through the Google translator a few times. We are reminded that our “eyes and ears are critical in the war against terrorism.” Just above this are pictures of, yep you guessed it, eyes and ears. Phew… for a minute I had no idea which body parts the pamphlet was referring to. I was about to start fighting terrorism with my lymph nodes and gall bladder.

Actually it’s riddled with terrible, semi-relevant clip-art, all juxtaposed in a scary manner redolent of one of those animated graphics between Fox News segments. There’s a noble eagle’s head, placed vigilantly above a chubby yet friendly TSA official. And what’s that I see? Why it’s an airplane! I’d have had no idea that this had anything to do with airplanes if that wasn’t there.

The pamphlet reminds the reader that “you know best what activities are and are not common in and around your neighborhood.” You know: delivering mail? Good. Shoulder-fired rocket-propelled grenade launcher? Bad. We are urged to be on guard against “surveillance,” “elicitation,” “tests of security,” “suspicious persons out of place” and “deploying assets.” The latter “is the last opportunity to alert authorities before the terrorism act occurs. It is important law enforcement receives any information quickly as time is of essence.” Most importantly, “your involvement will help protect our transportation modes and might save lives.” Because it’s our very modes which are at risk. If we lose our modes then the terrorists will have won.

And that reminds me. 24 is on.