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Stand back…give them room!

Microsoft is “Innovating” again.

Hoping to tap the explosive popularity of online video sharing by joining startups and major Internet rivals with its own video service, Microsoft has announced their newset service, “Soapbox on MSN Video”. This service will let Internet users watch and post funny videos, rate or comment on them and share favorites by e-mailing them or linking them to their personal Web pages or blogs.

Rob Bennett, general manager of MSN’s entertainment and video services unit, acknowledged that Silicon Valley startup YouTube Inc. has an early lead, having already attracted tens of millions of users in the year and a half since it launched. Rivals Google Inc., Yahoo Inc. and Time Warner Inc.’s AOL also have similar offerings.

But Microsoft believes there is “still plenty of room to innovate, and go beyond what I would say most services provide … just sort of the basics, a very kind of primitive experience that is not that engaging,” Bennett said. “It’s not that fun to use. It just gets the job done.”

There you go. The “I” word. Straight from the horse’s mouthpiece. Microsoft once again “innovates” an idea from someone else, hooks up a cash IV, and calls it their own. I wonder how long this guy is going to keep his job, considering he’s not really clear as to which service he’s describing as “primitive” and “not that engaging”. His speech left me with the impression that the new Microsoft Soapbox won’t be “fun to use”. Poor guy. He’ll be watching the skies for the Microsoft Logo Black Helicopters all afternoon.

Microsoft Corp.’s long-delayed upgrade of its flagship Windows operating system, Microsoft Vista, will cost the same as comparable packages of the previous version, the company said this week.

Microsoft Vista Basic : $199
Just like XP. Only prettier.

Microsoft Vista Premium : $239
Just like Media Center Edition. Except it works this time.

Microsoft Vista Business : $299
Includes all of the options that XP Professional has, including new security, data protection options, and frequent crashing. Blue screen is optional.

Microsoft Vista Ultimate : $399
Includes features from Vista Business and Vista Premium, with upgraded profit margin support.

Microsoft Vista Grande : $465
Includes features of Vista Basic with a full-bodied blend of 30% Vista Business and 28% Vista Premium. Served in an attractive collector’s mug.

Microsoft Vista Double Uber Ultimate Frappe Professional: Special Edition
This one is actually just Windows Millennium Edition re-packaged in a Vista Box. Microsoft hopes the excitement around Vista will help them offload several hundred thousand units of the vastly unpopular operating system. Price is not currently set, but the package is rumored to be had for 2 bucks and a cheese sandwich.

Old news is good news for Google these days. They are planning to expand their online news index to include stories published years ago, continuing the Internet search leader’s recent efforts to create new sales channels for long-established media while it strives to make its own Web site even more useful.

The catch? Gotta pay to play of course. You’ll see excerpts from the old stories, but must signup with the source’s website to see the entire article. The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Time magazine and The Washington Post are among the sources that Google will index. And they’re thrilled about getting their archives indexed and for the countless referels that will come their way.

The agreement represents “a perfect example of how we can work with content providers to realize their business goals,” said Jim Gerber, Google’s content partnerships director.

So what other “partnerships” can we expect to see from the unstoppable force that is Google? No one’s put up an archive of personal medical records yet. That’d be nice. How about “Google Moments”, a complete listing of your personal schedule culled secretly from your outlook or Google Calendar. Not looking forward to their release of “Google Most Embarrassing Moments Caught on Film: Personal Edition”.

In a posting to the Mozilla development planning discussion group, the head of Microsoft’s open source software lab has extended an offer to Mozilla Corp. to help ensure the Firefox browser and Thunderbird e-mail client will run under Windows Vista.

Representatives from Mozilla noted quietly to each other, “… Why is Bill Gates holding the door for us and smiling like that. It’s really creeping me out!”

I can appreciate that Bill’s Army would like to test as much popular software as possible on the new Windows Vista Operating system, but this has more stink on it than a burned tuna casserole. “Come on in, guys! Just put your jackets and software anywhere, it’s all safe here. No one’s going to go through anything or anything!”

Firefox currently munches on about 15% share of the browser market, and I see no reason why Micrsoft would want to help them unless they had another motive. Especially considering how popular the Mozilla products are among those who have the skill to pry Microsoft IE from their system. After all, IE is an “integral part of the operating system and can’t be separated”. Microsoft lawyers are funny, funny people.

Apple Computer Inc. will pay $100 million to rival Creative Technology Ltd. to settle five patent lawsuits over technology for navigating through songs on the popular iPod digital music player, the companies said Wednesday.

Here’s what Creative has done. They have patented the process of navigating through categories of songs. That’s it. And Apple admitted that they have “infringed” on those patents, then promptly counter-sued Creative for infringement of their own patents.

I understand that patent-law is very lucrative for companies, and that most patent offices are sorely understaffed. But come on. Who decided to grant a company the exclusive rights to “click an album to see the songs”.

The whole thing brings back post-traumatic stress over the whole “I’ve patented the speed with which the screen can scroll while dragging my mouse.” Guy did it. Microsoft wouldn’t cave in. And that, my friends, is why it moves too fast or too slow. Thank you, corporate lawyers. You’ve done it again.

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Apple Computer Inc.’s investigation into claims of poor conditions at a Chinese iPod factory found no forced labor but revealed that workers were exceeding the company’s limits on hours and days to be worked per week, the company said Friday.

Congratulations, Apple. The one company I thought would never make the Evil Companies list now has it’s inaugural post. Apple investigated their own plant and found Apple was not in violation of worker’s rights. What the hell else are they going to say? “Yeah. It’s a slave camp over here. Our bad.”

There were no signs of “Forced Labor”. Instead, the employees were simply “working too many hours”. What are they, like all going for employee of the year awards? No, more likely what they actually found was originally worded something like this. “Our investigation has concluded that the employees were simply working too many hours… because they had seen other’s not work enough overtime and got kicked to the curb with a rifle butt to the neck.”

Nice spin, Apple. Where’s your happy shiny feel-good flower nation now? Almost makes me want to give up my iPod. But… um, I really like the design and it’s worked solid for 3 years straight and I would kinda miss iTunes… so. Yeah. Just don’t do it again.

Just one day after AOL announced it planned to give away its e-mail and Web services, along with free storage on its servers to lure new users, an additional incentive was added to the tune of one full year of AOL discs, delivered 3 a week through the first year of service.

“I’m sold!”, announced Ted Blaumbach of Detroit Michigan. “That’s like the icing on the cake.”

Prior to AOL’s offer of free storage and discs, many internet users were required to rely on alternate, more dependable storage and disc acquisition methods. “If I had large 20 minute videos of my cats that I wanted to share with my family or boyfriend, I would have to go to like some free file hosting site,” noted Becky McClasternick of San Antonio Texas. “And the only way I could get a steady supply of worthless, unwanted discs was to steal them from the dumpster at work. Now I can get both without getting tetanus!”

The online unit of Time Warner Inc. in September will start offering Internet users who pay nothing up to 5 gigabytes of server space for users to store music, illegal software, photos of their sister, or any of their large, worthless computer files. Starting approximately one week after the launch of the free file hosting service, AOL will launch the “Free AOL Discs for a Year” campaign by dropping over 10 thousand unopened AOL discs from airplanes along the beaches of South Florida and Southern California.

“It is our hope,” said AOL Marketing Executive Clive Berlergson, “That seeing the shimmering ocean-front covered in brightly wrapped AOL discs will remind potential customers that they too can have as many discs cover their home, office, or neighborhood community. By signing up with AOL, you are guaranteeing that you will always have a place to store your oversized, seldom used files. And you will always have an AOL disc within arm’s reach. That is our promise to our customers.”

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On the heels of Verizon adding certain WIFI and Bluetooth support back into their PDA phones that had been removed to sell other services, the 800 pound mobile phone gorilla offered another gift to it’s customers today. Verizon obtained a permanent injunction blocking a Miami telemarketer from making automated calls to its customers.

Thus continues the Evil Face-lift process for a company that has shown over and over again that they care greatly for their prospective customers. Until you’re a customer. Then you’re screwed.

This facelift, though nobel, is still the equivalent of removing one wart from a trailer mama’s shoulder-fat. Until they get with the rest of the cellular world and support SIM cards in their phones, they’ll always be wallowing in excess evilosity. At least they’ve starting scraping some of the evil stink off… and apparently shipping it wholesale to Miami. Cell phone telemarketing - Just what we need.

Yahoo had this article posted in it’s technology section on July 13th: Photo in Calif. could be world’s largest. The article included detailed information about the amazing lengths that a group of avid photographer’s went through to build the world’s largest pin-hole camera out of an airplane hanger in Irvine California. The article speaks glowingly about how amazing it was to watch the finished photo of the scene outside the hanger slowly develop on a sheet the size of a third of a football field.

Well done on a good story page, Yahoo. Except you forgot to add a picture of the freaking Picture! Pools of irony are gushing from the cracks in the Yahoo News site integrity.

 Is it so Amazingly difficult to include one… stinking… image in the article?! No image of the picture? Fine. How about the Hanger! How about one of the brave photographers pointing to the hole in the wall that made the world’s largest photo!

Here’s what it looked like, since they couldn’t get the job done.

You’re second rate, Yahoo… and you always will be. Losers.

I stormed out of the Verizon store yesterday ready to drop them like a pissing frog.  And here I sit today committed to another 2 years with a new phone and little self-respect. No surprise I suppose, it’s not the first time I’ve done it.

I don’t ask for much when I walk in. I just want to renew my contract, upgrade my phones, and walk out. Instead I have to deal with the sad cold fact that the “New Every 2″ is a not-so-clever marketing mud-pie that’s crammed down our throats each visit. Completely worthless considering the $100 can not be used with any of their standard $100 off they already offer for most good phones.

Add to the fact that they have crippled important Bluetooth and WiFi functionality on their new Smartphones so you are all but required to use their freakish services, the bums. A recent update has rectified some of the damage, but it’s still left many soured.

That’s when I left, making sure to ask loudly how I’d go about transferring my number to the new Sprint account I’d be signing up for later that night. They smiled, told me it was easy, and looked me over with the unspoken “See You Soon” smirk they’ve learned from Corporate or circus gypsies or somewhere.

And they were right. After all of my additional research into other plans, comparing phone prices, weighing the fact that I can call nearly everyone else I know for free because Verizon has them caught in the Matrix as well… I gathered my dignity into a dixie cup, spent 2 hours waiting for them to activate two phones… and quietly walked out. I’ve now bought myself another 2 years to come up with a new exit strategy for the next time. Not likely, of course. But then, I’ve always been a slow learner.

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