CrankyRants.com

Here’s a fun one for the kids. Now you can listen in on the confessions of true degenerates without the hassle of clubbing a priest and stealing his vestments. Got something to get off your chest and don’t know where to turn? SickConfessions.com has you covered.

Not for the feint of heart, and definitely not safe for work… (you’ve been warned) this site acts as a virtual confessional where anyone can unload their deepest, darkest, dirtiest secrets, without fear of judgment by anyone you know or give a rip about.

Let’s say you’ve broken into the office petty cash fund and spent it all on foot-fetish sessions with “Creepy Foot Doctor” while sipping rum smoothies from a size 9 stilletto pump . No problem, they’ve got a section for that.

Perhaps that weekend in Tulsa with the limo hot-tub, 40 inch sheet cake, and three hitchhikers with poor motor skills has got you troubled? No sweat, you’re covered.

Or maybe you spent 6 hours going all Jack Bauer in the duct-works above the changing rooms at a trailer park community pool. Hey, you’re not alone! We’ve all been there.

There’s an argument that says a valuable service needs to be provided for sick nutballs like you to privately confess their transgressions to a sympathetic ear. And have them read worldwide across the network. You know, so other’s can feel better about themselves.

But a stronger argument could be made that reading about other people’s completely sick-house antics beats watching bad reality television any day. Drop by and get yourself a heaping pile of wholesale online absolution. It’s like church for people with low self-esteem and bad hygiene!

Excellent picture!  

After my “Bad Cell Phone” day yesterday I needed a pick-me-up, and it comes from my good friends at factsjokesnfun.com. Believe me, if I’d had an oversized hornet with a blade, I’d have brought him with me to let the cell phone folks know I wasn’t screwin around!

I’ve decided that the shear volume of funny video and joke sites on the web has grown to capacity. It’s impossible to get any freaking work done in the office anymore because “The Architect” has decided the most efficient way to dull our senses into a chuckle-induced coma is to create one Humorous Video and Joke site for every human on the planet. Every funny I get in the mail comes from a different site, and I swear they are mass-producing them in Seattle somewhere.

That’s why I’m choosing a few and sticking with them. Visit more than a few and you’re seeing the same funny picture again and again, right? I’m guessing they’re just stealing the same videos and pictures from… well… each other. So if you stick with a site… you’re bound to see it all eventually. Saves on Favorites space as well… so I got that going for me too.

I guess they’re related, in some small way. If you’re finishing your basement into a lavish game room, you’ll need to line the walls with some classic standup arcade games like Asteroids, Robotron, or my personal favorite… Crazy Climber. You’ll also want to provide some group entertainment in the form of Ping Pong, or Beer Pong, or any of the variations in between. Plus… you know. You’ll need curtains, I guess. Light control and all.

These are all also things that you can build yourself, which is where I’m going with this I suppose. Just about anything that you can buy these days, you can also build in your garage by downloading plans from the web. In fact, you can find plans to build a garage if you don’t have one already. Do It Yourself sites like MakeMyOwn.com or Ask.com let you build things yourself, save a few bucks, and then spend them on some black lights and shag carpet for your new game room. All early 80’s like.

Don’t want to buy a standup arcade game from eBay and pay the shipping charges? Make your own out of plywood, paint, and an old computer. Don’t know the rules of Beer Pong or how to setup a table? Covered. Need to know how to make matching Tasseled Tails for your curtains and throw cushions? Well then you’re probably making this game room a little too schmancy for the beer pong table, so… screw it. Go with blinds or stick with bumper pool.

Online auctions are big business - ever since eBay become the 800 pound gorilla in town. So how does any new wannabe up-and-coming auction marketplace website outdo eBay? Be different. Sometimes, it makes sense. Other times, it doesn’t. Outbid4less starts out different, all right. Start with popular items at prices that are 10 – 20% of retail. And cap the prices there. You heard it – you CAN’T bid higher.

So how do you win? From the name, you’d expect the lowest bidder to win. After all, if you’re outbidding for less, you should be offering less. Instead, it’s the highest unique price. If two people bid the same, the bids are thrown out. Adding to the feel-good factor, a promise to donate 30% of the proceeds to any charity of your choice. So while you go after the latest gizmo, you don’t have to feel guilty of depriving some unfortunate. The only fly in the ointment is the bid fee, at $5-$10 for the privilege of bidding. Not a deposit, but a fee. Given that an auction would have many bidders but only one winner, the others are effectively subsidizing the winner. So unless you expect to win all the time, you’ll lose more money than if you paid retail. Are you prepared to pay for my IPOD? If yes, please send it to me directly – why go through an auction which I might not win?  

Or the art of conveying something that’s exactly the opposite of what is. It’s like the technobabble that surrounds software. “New” means “it’s still got all the bugs, and we haven’t figured out what to do with it”. “Improved” is when “hey, we’ve identified all the bugs. Still haven’t removed them, but at least we know they’re there”. It’s just the same when it comes to Magazine Subscriptions. Mags Direct, they call it. When it’s a reseller site. You’d think they’d learn – if someone wants to go direct to the magazine, they don’t want to go to a reseller.

It’d be far better to call it Mags Reseller – or even Mags Discount Reseller - that appeals to the budget conscious guy who’s looking to subscribe. No Shipping or Sales tax. That’s easy. All they send you is the link to their website. No fooling around with second class mail, stamps and all. If anyone is looking to subscribe. Why would anyone want to come here, when he could go directly to the website himself. It’s got to be the 7% of net users who haven’t ever visited Google or Yahoo. Or whatever that percentage is. Only someone who hasn’t visited them would go here to find a subscription. If he ever finds it, that is. Or this piece, to tell him where to go.  

Big, Big, Big disappointment. Unless you’re into Hookahs, in which case it’s a maybe. When Jerry called me about this earlier in the day, it sounded so promising. Between his accent and the crackle on the phone line, what I heard was something else altogether. Even when he sent the link, didn’t think too much of it. The net probably accounts for 99% of all deliberate mis-spellings that occur. Too many guys thinking they’re smart, and chasing too few blind alleys.

The first click was kind of there. You know, the “are you above 18” bit which shows you’re on the right track? But from there, it was downhill all the way. Instead of the next hot thing, these guys are into the next chill? Not even cool. Chill. Goes from bad to worse. Click on the Miss Hookahtown, or give it a miss. You haven’t missed anything, because there isn’t anything to miss. Ditto for the Hookah Bar directory. I mean, who wants to go to NooYawk or Texas? And just for a smoke? And the clincher. Look at the testimonials. Troops from Iraq, for Christ’s sake. With all the odd news coming out from there, would you want to do the same things they do?  

Was looking for information on driving lessons, and got referred to Driver education for teens in Texas. Not too bad actually - covers the generic, mundane details. But just replace Texas with any other name, and nothing much would change. Where it misses is the finer details of life in Texas. Like these basics.

• The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
• A seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.
• In July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.
• You can get sunburned through your car window.
• You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
• You notice your radiator is overheating, before you start your car.

Or these accident excuses:

• My truck was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle.
• I hit a stationary truck that was coming from another direction.
• The telephone pole was approaching fast. I attempted to swerve out of its path when it hit me.
• The guy was all over

Web Directories are now a whole new animal. Cheetahfind’s got it : “With ten comprehensive categories, as many as 200 subcategories and integrated search tool this directory is the best resource if you want to find something or if you want to be found”.Get a free search engine for your site. Submit your url for free. Or feel free to pay for a premium listing. Have it your way – but just do it! And for the budding webmaster, a one stop shop. Templates, clipart, online calculators and hit counters.

Even better, for the times when you need content, or are just feeling down. Encouraging news like “Alternatives to Declaring Bankruptcy”. No other news, but hey, that’s a start! After all, you need to be prepared for the worst.

Last but not least - find interesting connections. The top categories listed are Fishing, Bizarre, Recruiters, Developers & Publishers, and Used. I guess it all hangs together. Recruiters fish for candidates, after all. And they’d prefer used – new is a no-no where it comes to recruiting. With all the competition around, they’d need to use bizarre methods.

I’m not sure where Developers & Publishers fit in, unless as the exception that proves the rule. That’s gotta be it.

Suffering withdrawal symptoms, missing your daily dose of mad ads on the idiot box? Relax – here’s a smarter way to get to dumb ads of the “As seen on TV” variety.TV products for less, on the Net. As the name says, you get less. Less of the mind-blowing posturing and monotonous pitch – it’s a webpage, after all, not a broadcast. But in essentials, it’s still the same hinky dinky gadgets, tools, accessories and consumable products that you never even knew you needed or missed till you saw it on candid TV.

All of it, for less! Like this offer for free government grants. Does that mean you get less of a grant? Doesn’t seem worthwhile, but hey, there’s one born every minute.

Or take a look at this gopher pickup tool. I thought it was guys picking up gals and vice versa, but if you’re into gophers …. you REALLY need this one.

At your wits end, screaming at children? Use “Kidz Bop”. Dual use : if it doesn’t keep their attention, remember the Bop. It works

Or did you realize you need “Urine Gone”? Useful for folks with dogs, cats, or adult bedwetting tendencies.

If you’d still prefer less, there’s a simple solution. Shut down your browser. Or surf elsewhere.