CrankyRants.com

As a way of thanking their many loyal customers for choosing the XBOX360 over the less-available systems during the holiday season, Microsoft has decided to give a gift to each and every owner this new year. A large, gift-wrapped notice that their new Christmas toy is slow, defective, and officially obsolete.

That’s right… XBOX360 Version 2 is in the works and nearing production. Same game system… same games and controllers… but new processor that runs cooler than the original. It’s also rumored that the new version, codenamed Zypher, will have a larger hardrive and built-in HD DVD… most likely to compete with Sony’s PS3.

But the most welcomed new addition is support for true digital HD video. The current XBOX360 only supports outputs of RCA, S-Video, Component, or VGA… all of which are still analog-based forms of video. They provide excellent image quality… but the new version will have native support for HDMI, which combines digital audio and video into the same cable, and is common on most HD TV’s.

One can’t help but wonder if this was Microsoft’s plan all along. Throw out what we can to get a jump on Sony… then fix everything after the Holidays. Screw our existing customer base, they’ll get over it. We’re Microsoft! When we tell them to get over it… they will. Because we’re Microsoft, dammit!

Well, Bill? Enjoy you new extra notch up the “Evil Company” ladder. More to come, I’m sure.

So much for your new life.

Second Life, the fast-growing online site where hundreds of thousands of people play out fantasy lives online, has suffered a computer security breach that exposed the real-world personal data of its users.

Linden Lab, the San Francisco-based company behind the Second Life site, said in a letter to its 650,000 users this weekend that its customer database, including names, addresses, passwords and some credit card data, had been compromised.

This story would be a little more tragic if it weren’t for the buckets of irony pouring out the sides. Think of the John Carpenter flick “They Live!”. In a flash, that hip young coffee house waitress from Boston that you’ve been “seeing a lot of” in your new little fantasy world turns out to be a 42 year old maintenance man from Newark. How’s that conversation going to go?

“So… listen. We can still be friends, right? We kind of had a special thing going there, didn’t we?”

Coulda been worse, I suppose. The information could have included photos. That’s why I always pad my information in a plausible way. “Sure I have a regular job. I’m just an average joe. Most of my international crime syndicate investigations happen at night and on weekends. Makes it easier to go unseen in the larger crowds… since, as you can see from my photo, I look too much like Matthew McConnahe to typically go unnoticed.”

Funny how free enterprise works.

Electronic Arts Inc. said Thursday that sales of its latest Madden football video game grossed more than $100 million in its first week, the biggest launch in the franchise’s 17-year history and the latest sign of an improving outlook for the industry.

No, it’s the latest sign of how Eliminating or Buying Out All Competition Will Improve Your Freakin Sales. When ESPN released an arguably better NFL football game a few years ago at the finally affordable price of $20 retail, the EA executives let out a collective “Oh Fudge”. Their years of scamming $50 from the gaming community every August for what amounted to an upgrade in rosters was finally exposed.

Okay, upgrade in rosters and a few more cheerleaders on the sidelines. Whatever.

The response at the EA developers meeting was immediate. “We will double our efforts to produce the greatest football experience known to the world. Our product will improve 10-fold!”

Then corporate stepped in and said “Don’t bother. We’ll just buy out the competition and you can go back to updating the rosters. Add a few more cheerleaders. They like that.”

That’s when the exclusive multi-gazillion dollar deal began between EA and the NFL. That’s when all other football games that didn’t already have an exclusive deal with a player had to stop using real NFL names unless they paid EA.

And that’s business. Best launch in the 17-year history? Really. Wow. Didn’t see that coming.

After telling myself for over a year now that I have about as much reason to buy a Sony PSP as I do a glow in the dark nose ring… a lingering shadow of doubt is starting to creep in. “I’ve got an iPod and a PDA phone for games and the web,” I’d proclaim aloud, wondering who I was trying to convince. “Why would I need to drop the cash for a gameboy on steroids?”

Then an unfortunate thing happened. My nephew came over with one. Two words passed silently through my thoughts as he brought it’s shiny, glowing screen to life. “I’m screwed.”

Within minutes we had it hooked into my wireless network and we’re searching for music files from various PSP download sites and PSP movies from dailyPSPmovie.com and off we go watching classless funny videos on a screen much sharper and larger than my pda. Downloading movie trailers right to the memory card. No fumbling with conversion. It was seductively easy. My PDA seemed so small now, and lifeless. Half the gadget that it used to be.

Now Sony announces this week that the PSP will act as a remote for the PS3… and a firmware update will provide support for video RSS feeds. With the stone walls of my resistance already in shambles… the final blow arrives. Active connections to Apple’s iTunes store. Games will actually provide links to music as a reward for finishing levels.

I can’t buy one of these things. I have no reason! I can watch funny videos on other devices. I have zero freaking need to play bumping 3d games while on the road. Why browse the web for cool downloads on a PSP when I’ve got a dumpster full of actual computers in my house that can do the same thing!

Stupid Sony. Damn them and their excellent targeted marketing for forcing me to want something I don’t need! Wonder if Best Buy is still open.