Here’s a good one. School district officials in Union City N.J. are trying to identify who watched $250 worth of pay-per-view porn using a school cable television box.

Someone after business hours used one of the five cable boxes in the Board of Education building to order the films, priced between $4.95 and $9.95.

So… you put televisions with cable in or near an environment with access by teenage students, and you wonder why you got billed for 50 hours of Spice Channel? Wow. Let’s see if we can put the pieces together here.

It certainly doesn’t take a 5th grade math teacher to figure out that half the reason that adolescent boys are so good at video games and electronics, is because they’ve honed their skills by devising workarounds to every parental lock and v-chip porn blocker known to man. Half the reason Edison discovered the electric light bulb was so he could secretly view his collection of exotic womanly etchings in a dark room where no one could find him.

I guess it’s possible it wasn’t the students, though. Apparently the school officials have since gotten rid of three of the cable boxes, stating that the only reason the building had cable was in case of emergency.

Wait… what? That must’ve been a para-phrase. The direct quote was probably more along the lines of…. “Um… we got premium cable for… uh… emergencies. Yeah. That will do. Emergencies.”