More prominent than the hater sites, nothing pumps more rich creamy worthless sporting news-pulp through the GAFT like a manaical sports nut with an FTP account. Now that anyone can get a website for $3.95 with free ad-infested hosting account and the goDaddy instant blog hack, those overweight rabid body-painting wack-jobs you see shrieking into the camera every weekend have moved indoors and online.

Fan sites nearly eclipse Lithuanian Granny Porn and mySpace Template sites in number these days, and most of the content is about as useful. Sites like RaiderNation.com, ColtsDrive.com, and SteelersFever.com take the whole notion of “Our Team Doesn’t Stink Nearly As Bad As Your Team” to a new level.

Here’s what’s fun about these sites. Pick any one of them at random, settle into a nice comfy chair, and post a note or comment about how their team is pretty good, but “plays a little too soft to compete with the elite teams.” Now lean back and watch the fireworks.

The entertainment value of the average fan site completely revolves around the insults and mud-slinging rage that most rabid fans will blindly dive into when anyone even remotely suggests that anyone on their team is anything less than a direct descendant of the holy union between Thor and Hillary Swank. So massive is the machismo-lust that a fan-site member would rather take the Nestea plunge into an inflatable pool of boiling Gatorade than accept that maybe the players on their team might have lost their recent game because they were tired, hurt, or looking forward to a quiet afternoon in bed.

So before you sign up and fire off some tasty posts, make a checklist of the following words and phrases.

“Soft on defense.”
“They’re a Finesse Team.”
“Can’t win a game when it counts.”
“Crumble under the pressure.”
And my true favorite: “Would probably have won more games if they would just suck less.”

Remember, post often… and post responsibly. And never give your real name. These guys own guns.


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